DISCOMFORT

What a wild ride it’s been lately, for us all. Are you okay? I hope you’re finding ways to stay grounded and feeling whole as the chaos continues. 

 I wonder, looking around our world, if anyone is comfortable right now. I cannot imagine how anyone could be. I don’t pretend to understand the thinking of many people who seem to advocate the suffering of others, I never will. Perhaps they think if “those people” are removed from their neighbourhoods, and “they” are vanished from the world, then “we” can stay comfortable. I don’t know.

 Unpopular opinion perhaps but I don’t think comfort is the point of this being human. It does seem that most of us are somewhat addicted to it, of course. We continue to colonise and consume, profit off the backs of others and spend that money on stuff just to feather our nests, so to speak. Or to self-medicate with alcohol, food or whatever – pick your poison. 

 Here's what I know personally, after a lifetime of rather painful and life altering events, illnesses and “accidents”: discomfort is where I’ve learned the most.

 And still, I’m as guilty as anyone of trying to make the lives of those I love as comfortable as possible. Even when it costs me dearly in terms of health, wealth and energy. As a parent, as a partner, as a friend – and especially as a first-born daughter - I’ve spent my life trying to create the ease I didn’t experience personally for those I care about. My apologies to them all. I didn’t know.

 I realise now it’s likely contributed to holding their growth back. Because we don’t grow in our comfort zone, do we?  We’ve been taught to view disequilibrium as a sign that Something is Wrong.  What if it’s just a natural part of growth, as difficult as it can be to witness or experience? As I recover from being poisoned - a long slow messy process - this lesson has hit hard. I’ve learned more about myself, life and this being human business in these few years than I imagined possible. I haven’t had any choice but to be still and listen, to sit with the pain and discomfort and to be receptive to seeing how the most difficult parts of life happen in the dark shadowy times. 

 It’s not only just the big traumatic things either - gardening is such a metaphor for this.  You plant a seed, or perhaps a bulb. A small, brown thing that appears to be dry and dead, devoid of life. Buried in the ground, you water it and wait.  And wait.  What you don’t do is dig it up to check on it’s progress, right?  You trust that it is growing, that it will one day produce food for you to eat, or a gorgeous dahlia for you to enjoy.  You give it time and the nurturing it needs, even when you cannot seen the end result.

 Discomfort is like that, too.  I’ve had to trust that all the medicine, good food, therapies and rest will restore my body, even when it seems like there is no forward movement. Especially on those days. There’s no way to know what the end result will be, but I trust the outcome will be beyond my expectations.  Even in the darkest hours.

 I wonder if we can do that collectively, as our world goes through so much turmoil. If we can wait together, and trust all will be well, no matter how bleak things seem.  No matter how painful it is, on any given day.

 I hope so.

 It’s time.

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